Weight of the World


Smiling and chanting one minute, Emotionless the other. 
Caught between I am tired and I want me no more.
Scrolling through my phone trying to subside this feeling with an ecstatic one,
That can curve a smile on my lips and send serotonin and dopamine down my nerves,
but the effort is futile. 
And even when I do so, 
I smile and I laugh with a heavy heart. It's just on the surface, 
because seconds later my chest is big for me and the pain excruciating. 

I want to scream out loud,
Thinking that doing so will give me relief but I am not even left with a single grain of energy to do so.
Unconsciously, I feel drops fall down my cheeks.
Trying to stop them,
I swallow hard. 
Before I know it, 
I am wailing.
How can the weight of the entire world be placed on one single being? Because that's what I feel.
I need something to sedate me. 

Talking to sb no longer helps, 
it reminds me of how disadvantaged I am.
Sleep helps for a moment. 
The moment my eyes open,
 Even in the whee hours of the night,
 I feel strangled
I am gasping for air. 
If only I could escape this feeling by sleeping forever.
For that's the best way I know how.
Sleep forever.

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